LOVE

There is always someone in the world waiting for someone else, whether in the middle of the desert or in the heart of some big city. And when these two people’s paths cross and their eyes meet, the whole of the past and the whole of the future lose all importance, and there only
exists that moment and that incredible certainty that everything under the Sun was written by the very same Hand. The Hand that awakens Love and creates a sister soul for everyone who works, rests and seeks treasures under the Sun. Were it not for this, the dreams of the human race would make no sense.

Happiess is a journey, not a destination

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
have a baby, then another.
Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are.
After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.
We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.
We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire.
The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.
If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said,
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life".

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

"We should stop seeing each other" and "I wish you could be here to hold me"

Great contemplation between the mind and the heart.

how do u noe if it is worth it?

im at this junction of my life where I have to make LIFE decisions that will affect my future. What the outcome may be is not the thing that scares me, but what I have to go thru may frighten me a little.

"When was the last time I make a big sacrifice not for myself", I asked myself. I was thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking, and everything that I could think of, it all comes back in a way or another that I only made sacrifices for myself (directly or indirectly). "Not even for people that I have loved?", i asked myself again. Unfortunately, the answer is still the same.

But i did make lotsa sacrifices for myself and I'm happy that I did the many things that I have done, because I do not know if it is worth it, but I know every little thing counts, and add on the my life long experience.

The ideal of this blog is that, I'm here at this cross-road, about to make a couple of the biggest decision in my life, and I'm so willing to give up all my comfortable living and riches for it, I do not even care if at the end of the day i do get a positive outcome, but I do care that I will thoroughly enjoy the whole process.

And I have made up my mind to move ahead....

However, when it comes to matters that requires two minds, I still believe it takes 2 hands to clap. And I feel that, fate is definitely testing me big time.

I'm definitely letting u getting rid of me.

I pray for...

alright, penguin is going thru a little rough patch in its life right now, and i pray that things will only works out better for it. And we will soon see a healthy and cute penguin once again...

...then we shall also see a nicely cooked penguin on my table for a big feast. Yum yum.

Last night...

Last night I stayed in the office to complete my work till almost midnight. Not that I'm complaining because I used to be like that during my earlier days as a new-comer to the office. I guessed last night would probably be one of those LAST NIGHT that i'm gonna stay in the office till so late.

Interestingly, I didnt get home in my car, or the train, or the bus or the cab....

Am I gay?

My friend was returning my call yesterday and we talked.

She suddenly interrupted me and asked me if i was Gay, because she had the impression I was for many years. Ahem...

I totally have nothing against Gays, but I for one definitely have no inclination towards guys in any way. Other than the brotherly love that I so affectionately expressed, sleeping between 2 guys when I was in JB, and about to share my bed with Chau in Taipei in the coming months.

Didn't got much of a shocked, but I was indeed amused. Really!

So this is a hint that we gotta catch up soon.

Great Story!!!

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Let’s go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets.

Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrendered and begged for mercy. I had become addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people’s habit; slowly you will get used to it." Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast.. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her....I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but it’s ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost every day, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, it’s like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home; I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that.... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

“Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion..

Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face..... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late."......

Confession of the pain

Last night, i met one of my friend whom I have not met for 6 years, pretty amazing how I was actually expecting him to tell me his exciting life over the past 6 years. hmmm, and it ended up 90% of the time confessing his pain to me.

Well, it was a breakup, and he was so full of pain and the emotions-filled conversation was kinda encompassing around questions, questions and more questions? He is a definitely of great intellect and never once it occured to me that he is so full of emotions when it comes to such things. ahem....

he wasn't really interested in sharing at first, but somehow, he did eventually. :) I'm glad he did, at least someone is hearing him out. as someone who thinks he knows everything (ahem, im refering to myself), i didnt really offer any advice, bcoz for the reason I felt that I can totally related to his situation but yet I do not know how else he can do to make things better, other than the usual of "if you love her, you gotta set her free".

my point of this post, is not about the breakup that he is going thru, but rather the pain that he can so clearly illustrate for me to understand, and at that point of time, it was like, deja-vu, i probably experienced it somewhere in my life too, and the feelings were all so real.....

i hope he recover soon for this, the last time he took to forget about his ex was 6 years, i hope this will not take him another 6 years.

pain definitely hurts, but no pain, no gain. vis-la-vis my dear friend.

Bad Feeling

...from the start of the day, i juz felt something wasn't right. Can't described the exact feeling, but i feel really restless and doesnt seem to be able to understand what was actually going on within me. sharks...

true to my own senses, all the "murphys" happened to me today. this is so predictable... im like a magnet for trouble today....

all in all, today was really shit!!! i juz pray tml wont be like that...

only if...

only if i can start losing myself and tell you that you are a fucking pathetic bitch, i would, but then what good will it brings?

more often than not, i have always been very critical about myself and when people say something really mean about me, i really think i did something wrong, but now i realized that most of the time i didnt do it wrong, and i have been taking in too much.

nice guy finishes last, and so i was told. I can't believe it that people ard ask me not to be so nice....

alrite, im leaving sg every weekend. last weekend was awesome but i got burnt, this weekend will be awesome too, but I wont get burnt for sure. next weekend will be something a little special (anyway want to tagged along for a pleasant sat morning surprise?)

and today, the sad news, I have come to terms of letting the person go. If the heart is not here, there is really no point keeping. The person was what I thot the most beautiful being on person doing what he does best, but yet when it comes to the matter of the heart, there wasnt any emotions involved. I'm sure he is happy to move on and I wish him all the best... Is not about how great you can live your life after this, but is a matter of your heart truly yearns for...

goodbye CR7.

Mind, Heart and Soul

hmmm, late at nite and I can't seem to be able to sleep. thots running thru my head...

The past few weeks was REALLY one of the most exciting "highs" and "lows" in my recent life.

i ended a twist of fairy tale, and another starts to takes place. I thot 2 fairy tales can be merged into one, alas, the world is unfair, but god is.

i noe u are not mine to keep.
i noe u place a "limit order" with a "good till cancel" duration on me.
i noe u care and won't want to show.
i noe the future ahead is great for you.
i noe dreams and wishes do come true.
i noe u shld be free to go after them.
i noe im juz a supporting actor in your life.

i wanted to say i sorry for the mistake but instead, thank you for the punishment. it was all worth it, painful nonetheless!!!

The world is a Stage, all of us are Actors

Allow me to be frank in this entry. The world is a Stage where all of us Act in. Blessed with the talent of a Director and an Actor, I often hate myself for possessing such innate talents that I want to renouced it. Many would say that this is a gift, but I would think... it is a curse. Being able to see and know the innermost thots of all the actors would allow me to create a perfect play for one and all. Alas, as an Actor myself, I did and will play along with the script, and trust me not to deviate too much away from the script, as much as there is room for my creativity, i prefer to adopt to the conventional contents. Creativity doesn't pays off (or so I've learnt).

Am I'm looking for a perfect ending? The answer is maybe, but in reality, I just want to partake in this wonderful Stage.

Ladies, an announcement: I am up for it, all the time. That is not a boast or an opinion, it is bone hard medical fact. I put it round you know. And you will watch me putting it round and sigh for it. Don't. It is a deal of trouble for you and you are better off watching and drawing your conclusions from a distance than you would be if I got my tarse up in your petticoats.

Gentlemen. Do not despair, I am up for that as well. And the same warning applies. Still your cheesy erections till I have had my say. But later when you shag - and later you will shag, I shall expect it of you and I will know if you have let me down - I wish you to shag with my homuncular image rattling in your gonads. Feel how it was for me, how it is for me and ponder. 'Was that shudder the same shudder he sensed? Did he know something more profound? Or is there some wall of wretchedness that we all batter with our heads at that shining, livelong moment. That is it.

As an actor, I would die on stage in the hands of a this beautiful woman, but she is no such. No even worth it is till the soil. When I wake in bed, I dream of being with you. When I was with you, it is full of people like you that made me an actor, one who would strictly abide by his scripts, and do nothing more, nothing more.

I don't mean to upset people, but I must speak my mind. For what's in my mind is far more interesting than what's outside my mind. I dun, my innermost thoughts are often so well-kept that I find life's secret is confidently confidential. What goes on in my mind could be a treasure yet untold (or unfold for that matter), makes me one of the hardest person to live with, but the best person to ACT with.

Everyone catches my generous spirit so quickly, nonetheless nice guys finish last, and for that reason, nice guy no more it shall be, for what the stage requires is that Actors ACT, n not Actors LIVE. I wish to be moved. I cannot feel in life. I must have others do it for me on the stage.

I handed you a chance to show your shining talent and what do you give me in return? A representation of what was prophcised in the beginning where my Director's gut sense of feeling never fails. I was right, I was right, and then I'm wrong. Not many can match my determination. I fought for what I believed in, not necessary that it is right, but is what I believed. I'm wrong.

I've been told that the Devil is in you. If that be so, then I know how he made his entrance. I thought about putting you back into the wild. I even considered putting your head on a spike. But I decided on something worse. I'm going to ignore you. I will no longer encourage any hope in my breast for you. I am condemning you to be YOU for the rest of your life. I am nature. you are art. Let us see how we compare.

Life is afterall not a succession of urgent "nows". It's a listless trickle of "why should I's". I shall never forgive you for teaching me how to love acts. Give me wine, I drain the dregs and toss the empty bottle at the world. Show me our Lord Jesus in agony and I mount the cross and steal his nails for my own palms. There I go, shuffling from the world. My dribble fresh upon the bible. I look upon a pinhead and I see angels dancing. Well? Do you like me now?

All men would be cowards if they only had the courage. I have courage, and I want to take on a cowardice role.

The time has come for me to pay my dues, retribution or some called. People listen. If I took my seat in the Lords, I could make great speeches that would influence events. Anyone can oppose, it's fun to be against things, but there comes a time when I have to start being for things as well. And for now, I will reliquished the Stage and my role as an Actor, but I would happily give up my life for life and not for acts.

We are afterall LIFE's greatest understudies.

Written By Regina Brett

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15.. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24... The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36.. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

The day I rejoiced...

is weird how in a short span of time i got the answers that I was dying to know and it was a good closure.

there wasn't any part of me left that wanted to know any more truth that is more explicit than this. enuff.

u didn't lie to me, u merely withold priviledged information. i trusted u, not myself. thank you for the inconvenient truth. i wished i have trusted myself or my friends.

even honesty with family dun exists.

i respect the way u handled this, n haf no qualms abt it. i only wish u happiness.