The day Man Utd got 2nd

Yes, Man Utd got 2nd and I guess I have to be contented about being a loser. innoc3nt doesnt like to lose. =p

The past one year have been really crazy, I meant it totally for Man Utd and myself. Learn alot about myself. Man Utd's performance is juz like a drug that keeps filled with Vitamin H(appy) for the week.

Once again, I'm approaching a cross-road once again. This time, it is another gamble. But before I dwell much into it, I digress and ask myself if I will ever have a decent conversation with her again. I mean I still very much treat her like a good friend and I yearn to go back to the fun old ways. Yes, totally random and I know!!! Is good to be random sometimes.....

I went for 7 weddings in Jan, and I'm attending 2 more this month. I always feel so happy when someone is getting married, just that I hope I am not the groom. Is this what they call wedding jitters? Geee, how can I feel that way? Dun wanna get married, but I do wanna have kids. argh...

I recently have a crush over 2 person, i.n.c.h c.h.u.a and ca.thy ny.uge.n. I think their vocals are really nice, and they have been my companion when I go thru my endless proposals.

I found a very interesting quote which says "find a job u really like, and you do not have to work one day in your life" how apt n true. I guess I found mine!!! Hooray...

The move I made wasnt the most brilliantly move that I thought it was. I guess God work his plans in myterious ways. All the trials that I have been thru, really did make me somewhat more...downtoearth.

Alright, cross-road now. Have to decide if i want to relocate myself. The offer is tempting, to my favourite country. Once in a life-time opportunity!!! The reluctancy to travel for me right now is becoz of family, and to relocate to such a far place, wld just be the reason why I wldnt want to. How how? dilenma. Maybe YOU can change my mind.

Been flying alot lately. Too much, but I'm not complaining. Can't help but to think about those days that I traveled around the world alone. Sigh, I hope to do it again this year in Nov. Seeing all my friends out there traveling, I'm so happy for them, yet I feel so bitterly jealous that I cannot partake. I hope is not the end for me....

Is already 4am here, and I pray for you, be safe out there, come home soon.

Gratitude for Love Lost

FALLING down a cliff feels very much like falling down a metaphorical rabbit hole.

Here’s what happens: You slip and fall. You grab at the ground, but find no purchase.

I was in Hawaii circa 1998 when my real-life incident of slipping halfway down a cliff
happened. It was close to midnight, and the moon was close to being full, throwing shadows along the smooth rocks that led into the sea.

Like Alice in Wonderland, I’d caught sight of something – memory fails me when I try to recall exactly what – and walked into the shadows.

There was sea spray, something wet, and I slipped. Faster than a shot, I was on my back and headed feet-first for the ocean, 20 metres below. I clawed at the ground and for a few frightening moments, thought I wasn’t going to make it.

I don’t know how, but I managed to slow the fall and crawled back up the cliff on my hands and knees.

That experience came back full-force last week when, too curious for my own good, I looked up an old boyfriend online. I’d misspelt his name (perhaps a deliberate slip on the part of my subconscious mind) for years when idly trying to search for him.

But last week, I grew tenacious and tracked him down through mutual friends in a twisted game of six degrees.

I found him, clicked on his profile – and fell down the rabbit hole.

We’d seen each other fitfully for two years (you could have sort of called it dating, only it wasn’t, really). I wasn’t treated badly, but I wasn’t treated well either. And there are things that happened that I will never put up with again.

But he’d also educated me about music, taught me to love soul and dance music in equal measure, taught me how those beats could touch my very spirit. How I loved him for that, for you cannot help but love the ones who help expand you in some way.

There were things I’d kept forgotten – how unhappy I was with him, how I disliked myself for going back to him not once, but many times over. In his profile, he seemed to be exactly the same as he had always been.

But all that I’d stashed away into a drawer in my mind burst forth, and there was no dam for any of it. I was sliding down the cliff, and trying desperately to claw my way back up once again.

I slammed my laptop shut. Some things, I later concluded, are best left buried.

Several days later, I was struck by a BBC broadcast in which Irish journalist Tim Brannigan was interviewed about his search for his identity, and for a father he’d never known. Brannigan had written a book about his search, titled Where Are You Really From?

It was that provocative question that held my attention. And, at yoga later that day, I began to realise that my practice is, in a sense, not my own.

The postures that I faithfully move through almost every day don’t belong to me – they belong to every teacher who has contributed to me.

They’re the people who have, when I’ve fallen, told me to try again. They’ve
corrected my postures, nurtured me and watched me grow.

They have made my practice what it is, and I am who I am because of them. It’s the same with that former boyfriend, I now realise.

Yes, there are things I would have myself forget.

But he taught me what I wanted in a relationship. It was the antithesis of him and what we had, but I credit him for showing me at least that.

Today, I am lucky to have found the very relationship I want and need – one that fills me with joy every single day.

Ultimately, that ex has helped me know what I want in a man – and in a way, has made me who I am, what I am. For that reason, a little piece of my heart belongs to him, always.

It’s not enough to go on for me to click the “add as friend” button.

Some things shall remain buried, but with so much more love and gratitude than there was before.

Biz Trips

Going to Taipei, HCMC and KL. I wished I can have a least a day in these cities to just relax and do nothing. I'm tired of busy working for so long man....

need a break!!!