Just for laughs

Qn: Why is fish cunning ?
Ans: cos yu pian mi fen (fish lie to bee hoon)
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Qn: What animal falls down the most?
Ans: Fox, cos they jiao hua (cunning)
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Qn: What animal is most skillful?
Ans: mouse (lao shu) cos shu shu you lian guo (uncle got training)
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Qn: Xiao ming drinks milk to grow up, Da ming drinks what?
Ans: Da ming drink wine, cos Jiu Yang Da Ming
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Qn: Which chinese host does not have centre parting?
Ans: wu zong xian (no centre line)
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Qn: Why Zhou Jie Lun Cross the Street Kana fine by police?
Ans: Cos Jay Walking
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Qn:Which emperor (huang di) is blind??
Ans: Kang xi (Can't see)
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Qn: How does a fish laugh?
Ans: HE HE HE
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Qn: How does a prawn laugh?
Ans: HEI HEI HEI
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Qn: Which animal should you look for if you're unable to open a bottle cap?
Ans: peacock, cos kong que kai ping
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Qn: Why baby don't need to brush teeth?
Ans: cos bei bi wu chi
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Qn: Which button on your keyboard cannot sing?
Ans: F4
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Qns: Xiao Hong, Xiao Bai, Xiao Hei, Xiao Lan, Xiao Huang, who cannot
tahan roller-coasters?
Ans: Xiao Bai, cos always Xiao Bai Tu

Qns: What is a KISS?
Ans:It's an upper PREPARATION for a lower INVASION that will lead to further PENETRATION with fast ACCELERATION that will build next GENERATION.

Qns: Latest Statistics: What men do after sex? 2% eat. 3% smoke
Ans: cigarettes. 4% take shower.5% go to sleep. 86% get up and go back home to their wives.

Qns: Why is your dick better than a credit card?
Ans: 1.Once spent recharges itself.
2.It is accepted worldwide.
3.You can let your wife use it as much as she wants.

LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, I just found out that our neigh bor's son has a penis like a peanut!
MUM: You mean it's small?
LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!

A couple recently married was happy with the whole thing.
He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing.

A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
The lady sitting next to him asked: Are they your babies?
MAN: No,I work in a condom factory and these are customer COMPLAINTS.

Women top 5 lies:
5. I am a virgin.
4. It is so big.
3. I can't do that to my best friend.
2. I won't gain weight after marriage
1. I am coming! I am coming!!!

A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says: You want to play magic.
She says: What is that?
He says: We go Home, screw, and then you disappear.

Qns: What is the closest thing to a woman's period?
Ans: Your SALARY... It comes once a month, lasts 4 or 5 days, and if it doesn't come, you are F*CKED!!!

Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first?
A Kid replied : The legs...because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil : Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say "TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

Qns: What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
Ans: When you pull down the stage curtain, show is over, but when you pull down the PANTY... IT'S SHOWTIME.

AGES OF VAGINA:
-16 to 19 BRAND NEW.
-20 TO 28 SLIGHTLY USED
-29 TO 36 SECOND HAND
-37 TO 45 SUBJECT TO REPAIR
-46 TO 55 FOR LUBRICATION
-56 TO 60 TOTAL WRECK
-61 TO 70 CLOSED FOR RENOVATION!!!!!!!

MUM: Didn't I tell you if stranger touches your breast say "DON'T". And if he touches your pussy say STOP!
GIRL : But mum, he touched both, so I told him DON'T STOP!!!!"

GIRLS REACTION TO PENIS SIZES
9 INCHES - Oh Shit, pain!!
7 INCHES - Oh, I'm in heaven
6 INCHES - OH PERFECT
5 INCHES - UMMMM OK
4 INCHES - PUSH MORE
3 INCHES - IS THAT IN???
2 INCHES - IDIOT!! JUST USE YOUR TONGUE!!!